An Ode to Martin
On the occasion of his 60th birthday celebrations
Martin is 60
How can it be so?
He cant be that old, but
I s'pose he should know.
Hails from old England
His accent's still strong
Hard to decipher,
He talks loud and long.
He came to Australia
The population few
From a household of many
siblings 12, 10 or 2?
Its clear he loves deeply
And we're family now,
Eileen is his bestie
But we're there too, some how.
Martin doesn't drink rum
This is questioned by many
But just check on facebook,
He'll be drinking Kilkenny.
Grand Standard bearer,
He's high in the lodge
Disciplined commitment
To a cause he wont dodge.
Martin has saved lives
Broken nose or a sprain
St John ambo hero
He'll sooth your pain.
Socially aware
He cares for all kinds
Supporting good causes
And challenging minds.
In addition to this
Treasured friend it is true
We love you our Martin
Happy Birthday to you
With love from Kathy, Peter, Amanda and Tim.
November 2016.
Monday, April 3, 2017
Thursday, January 15, 2015
This was NOT in the Monty Python film "Life of Brian"
This was removed because it may of offended someone.
SOLLY: What do you mean, the Holy Ghost?
SALLY: I said, the Holy Ghost done it.
SOLLY: He got you up the gut, the Holy Ghost did?
SALLY: Yeah.
SOLLY: You expect me to believe that the Holy Ghost took a night off from heaven, came down to number 42, Sheep Way, and shacked up with you.
SALLY: Yeah.
SOLLY: Let me get this right - the Spiritual ruler of the entire Universe, feeling a touch randy and in need of a bit of the other, manifests himself, comes down and nips into bed with you.
SALLY: Yeah.
SOLLY: Nice one. I don't get a bit of nooky out of you for two years and next thing you're having knee tremblers with a bloody archangel.
SALLY: He's not a bloody archangel, he's the Holy Ghost.
SOLLY: Oh yeah - if the Holy Ghost climbs into bed with you - it's down with the sheets and on with the job. If it's me, it's no, not till after we're married, we must save it up, it's precious.
SALLY: It's true.
SOLLY: It's so fucking precious you give it to every horny little poltergeist that comes banging on the bedroom door.
SALLY: Only one.
SOLLY: Oh only one. Sorry, not the Trinity. Three persons in one bed; no, just one sexy little seraph at a time. Sorry Solly, I'm saving my cherry for a cherub.
SALLY: I couldn't turn him down, he's the Holy Ghost.
SOLLY: What did he look like, did he have his head tucked under his arm?
SALLY: He's not that sort of a ghost.
SOLLY: How do I know what sort of a ghost he is, I've not been to bed with the buggers. Madame Palm's all I get for two years, not you no, you've got your feet in the air, being humped by Heavenly visitors.
SALLY: It was spiritual.
SOLLY: If it was so spiritual, how come he's left his little gift in you?
SALLY: It's a blessing.
SOLLY: I notice he doesn't stay around for the blessing. Oh no, far too busy dipping his holy wick in the lamps of foolish virgins. I mean I feel frankly, that if the Holy Ghost is going around shagging all and sundry, the least he can do is stick around and see his offspring through the creche stage.
SALLY: He said I was to tell you and you'd understand and marry me.
SOLLY: I see. I see. So my idea of the perfect wife is supposed to be someone who puts out for any dissipated sprite who fancies getting his end away with the scarlet women of the spiritual world.
SALLY: He *was* the Holy Ghost.
SOLLY: I don't care if he's the Holy Choir Invisible. I don't want any lecherous apparitions unsheathing their pork swords in my sheets.
SALLY: He was ever so nice. He said I could call him Brian.
SOLLY: Brian.
SALLY: Yes.
SOLLY: Brian, the Holy Ghost.
SALLY: Yes.
SOLLY: And do you recollect throughout two thousand years of scriptures the Holy Ghost ever being referred to previously as Brian?
SALLY: Erm, no.
SOLLY: So it never crossed your mind that this smutty seraphim, this rampant genie with his pants round his ankles, might perhaps not be an angel of the most high in rut, but some quite ordinary mortal with a gift of the gab and a penchant for banging underage briffit.
SALLY: I've never done it before.
SOLLY: I'm afraid, my dear, you've fallen for a very old line.
(PAUSE)
SALLY: Do you want me to show you what he did?
SOLLY: What?
SALLY: Do you want me to show you what he taught me?
SOLLY: What, all the way? Bareback?
SALLY: I can't get more pregnant, can I?
SOLLY: No.
SALLY: Somebody's got to be second.
SOLLY: Yeah.
SALLY: It's ever so nice.
SOLLY: All right.
SALLY: Between you and me, I never fancied him that much.
SOLLY: No?
SALLY: No, it wasn't very big.
SOLLY: That's not supposed to count.
SALLY: I know. But it helps.
SOLLY: What do you mean, the Holy Ghost?
SALLY: I said, the Holy Ghost done it.
SOLLY: He got you up the gut, the Holy Ghost did?
SALLY: Yeah.
SOLLY: You expect me to believe that the Holy Ghost took a night off from heaven, came down to number 42, Sheep Way, and shacked up with you.
SALLY: Yeah.
SOLLY: Let me get this right - the Spiritual ruler of the entire Universe, feeling a touch randy and in need of a bit of the other, manifests himself, comes down and nips into bed with you.
SALLY: Yeah.
SOLLY: Nice one. I don't get a bit of nooky out of you for two years and next thing you're having knee tremblers with a bloody archangel.
SALLY: He's not a bloody archangel, he's the Holy Ghost.
SOLLY: Oh yeah - if the Holy Ghost climbs into bed with you - it's down with the sheets and on with the job. If it's me, it's no, not till after we're married, we must save it up, it's precious.
SALLY: It's true.
SOLLY: It's so fucking precious you give it to every horny little poltergeist that comes banging on the bedroom door.
SALLY: Only one.
SOLLY: Oh only one. Sorry, not the Trinity. Three persons in one bed; no, just one sexy little seraph at a time. Sorry Solly, I'm saving my cherry for a cherub.
SALLY: I couldn't turn him down, he's the Holy Ghost.
SOLLY: What did he look like, did he have his head tucked under his arm?
SALLY: He's not that sort of a ghost.
SOLLY: How do I know what sort of a ghost he is, I've not been to bed with the buggers. Madame Palm's all I get for two years, not you no, you've got your feet in the air, being humped by Heavenly visitors.
SALLY: It was spiritual.
SOLLY: If it was so spiritual, how come he's left his little gift in you?
SALLY: It's a blessing.
SOLLY: I notice he doesn't stay around for the blessing. Oh no, far too busy dipping his holy wick in the lamps of foolish virgins. I mean I feel frankly, that if the Holy Ghost is going around shagging all and sundry, the least he can do is stick around and see his offspring through the creche stage.
SALLY: He said I was to tell you and you'd understand and marry me.
SOLLY: I see. I see. So my idea of the perfect wife is supposed to be someone who puts out for any dissipated sprite who fancies getting his end away with the scarlet women of the spiritual world.
SALLY: He *was* the Holy Ghost.
SOLLY: I don't care if he's the Holy Choir Invisible. I don't want any lecherous apparitions unsheathing their pork swords in my sheets.
SALLY: He was ever so nice. He said I could call him Brian.
SOLLY: Brian.
SALLY: Yes.
SOLLY: Brian, the Holy Ghost.
SALLY: Yes.
SOLLY: And do you recollect throughout two thousand years of scriptures the Holy Ghost ever being referred to previously as Brian?
SALLY: Erm, no.
SOLLY: So it never crossed your mind that this smutty seraphim, this rampant genie with his pants round his ankles, might perhaps not be an angel of the most high in rut, but some quite ordinary mortal with a gift of the gab and a penchant for banging underage briffit.
SALLY: I've never done it before.
SOLLY: I'm afraid, my dear, you've fallen for a very old line.
(PAUSE)
SALLY: Do you want me to show you what he did?
SOLLY: What?
SALLY: Do you want me to show you what he taught me?
SOLLY: What, all the way? Bareback?
SALLY: I can't get more pregnant, can I?
SOLLY: No.
SALLY: Somebody's got to be second.
SOLLY: Yeah.
SALLY: It's ever so nice.
SOLLY: All right.
SALLY: Between you and me, I never fancied him that much.
SOLLY: No?
SALLY: No, it wasn't very big.
SOLLY: That's not supposed to count.
SALLY: I know. But it helps.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Email: martin@ching.apana.org.au
Twitter, Blog, Url, Facebook, LinkedIn,
These are the connections of my 21st Centry life.
My spiders web of intrigue and strife.
My life as it exists in the electrons of the WWW.
The URL the email and the blog.
Facebook your friends but not your enemies.
Keep them close and watch them from afar.
Know their birthdays and significant events.
But be shallow lest they think your a stalker.
Twitter your tweets but be cautious of birdsong.
Twitter, Blog, Url, Facebook, LinkedIn,
These are the connections of my 21st Centry life.
My spiders web of intrigue and strife.
My life as it exists in the electrons of the WWW.
The URL the email and the blog.
Facebook your friends but not your enemies.
Keep them close and watch them from afar.
Know their birthdays and significant events.
But be shallow lest they think your a stalker.
Twitter your tweets but be cautious of birdsong.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
First letter Macro
This macro removes everything except the initial letter of the words. Makes it easier for me to learn ritual
Sub Martin()
'
' Martin Macro
'
'
Do
Selection.MoveRight Unit:=wdCharacter, Count:=1
Selection.Delete Unit:=wdWord, Count:=1
Selection.MoveRight Unit:=wdWord, Count:=1
Loop Until (Selection.End = ActiveDocument.Content.End - 1)
End Sub
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Pithy sayings while drinking tea
03 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
03 If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
03 If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
03 Any program will expand to fill any available memory.
03 The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
03 Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to maintain it.
03 Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
03 Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.
03 Weinberg's Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
03 Hoare's Law of Large Programs: Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
03 Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
03 Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
03 Troutman's First Programming Postulate: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
03 Troutman's Second Programming Postulate: The most harmful error will not be discovered until a program has been in production for at least six months.
03 Troutman's Third Programming Postulate: Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
03 Troutman's Fourth Programming Postulate: Interchangeable tapes won't.
03 Troutman's Fifth Programming Postulate: If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
03 Troutman's Sixth Programming Postulate: Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
03 Golub's Laws of Computerdom : A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.
03 The effort required to correct the error increases geometrically with time.
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