Am I a Cockney (Yes I am :-)

Oranges and lemons,
Say the bells of St. Clement's.
You owe me five farthings,
Say the bells of St. Martin's.
When will you pay me?
Say the bells of Old Bailey.
When I grow rich,
Say the bells of Shoreditch.
When will that be?
Say the bells of Stepney.
I do not know,
Says the great bell of Bow.
Here comes a candle to light you to bed,
And here comes a chopper to chop off your head!


^{There are several determinants that can provide evidence of 'cockney'.}

1. First is to be born within the sound of Bow bells. St Mary-le-Bow
2. The rest are all linguistic markers. In no order of importance. 
3. Glottal stop (?), I call this the silent "t" in Mar(t)in
4. Double negatives
5. "h" dropping 
6. Rhyming slang
7. dark 'L'
8. "th" = f
9. illiterate (Eileen has confirmed this due to what she thinks is the lack of puctuation)

So was I (1) born within the sound of bow bells. My birth took place in the upstairs bedroom of 80 Bernwell road Chingford. Now in London E.4. 6HY. According to google maps that 8.77 miles or 14.114 kms from St Mary-le-bow.
How far would the sound travel. The bells could have been anywhere from 60 to 80 decibels. Sound travels different distances due to air temperature and ambient sound levels. And we haven't even factored in the bells not sounding from 1945 to 1961  The current bells were cast in 1956 at the Whitechapel bell factory a further 1.5 miles east of St Mary le Bow and thats significant. The bells would have been tested before they were transported and I contest that they were tested at 08:00 on the 2nd of November 1956 which just happens to be my birthday.
Dr Malcolm Hough of the Meteorological Office in 1994 when he demonstrated that in the
days before the motor car, the bells would have been audible all over London!

In "good" conditions a 110 dB sound could easily be heard 10 or 20 km away. In "poor" conditions with a lot of background noise it might not be heard at all from 100 meters away.

Gay go up and gay go down, To ring the bells of London town.

Oranges and lemons, Say the of St. Clements. 

 Bull's eyes and targets,  Say the bells of St. Marg'ret's. 

 Brickbats and tiles,  Say the bells of St. Giles'. 

 Halfpence and farthings,  Say the bells of St. Martin's.

 Pancakes and fritters,  Say the bells of St. Peter's.

 Two sticks and an apple,  Say the bells of Whitechapel. 

 Pokers and tongs,  Say the bells of St. John's.

 Kettles and pans,  Say the bells of St. Ann's. 

 Old Father Baldpate,  Say the slow bells of Aldgate. 

 You owe me ten shillings,  Say the bells of St. Helen's. 

 When will you pay me?  Say the bells of Old Bailey. 

 When I grow rich,  Say the bells of Shoreditch. 

 Pray when will that be?  Say the bells of Stepney. 

 I do not know,  Says the great bell of Bow. 

 Here comes a candle to light you to bed, 

 Here comes a chopper to chop off your head.

 Chop chop chop chop.  The last man's dead!

Big Fleas & Little Fleas

The Vermin only teaze and pinch Their Foes superior by an Inch. So Nat'ralists observe, a Flea Hath smaller Fleas that on him prey, And these have smaller Fleas to bite 'em, And so proceed ad infinitum.
[1733 Swift Poems II. 651]

Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em, And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum. And the great fleas themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on; While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.
[1872 A. De morgan Budget of Paradoxes 377]

Where did this come from? 

(Poem #797) Big Whorls Have Little Whorls

Big whorls have little whorls
   That feed on their velocity,
 And little whorls have lesser whorls
   And so on to viscosity.

-- Lewis F Richardson

"Human beings, it is said, are important only in so far as they fit into a biological scheme or assist in the furtherance of the evolutionary process. Thus each generation of women must accept as its sole function the production of children who will constitute the next generation who, in their turn, will devote their lives and sacrifice their inclinations to the task of producing a further generation, and so on ad infinitum."

Very Very Funny

Editing a global wiki (Wikipedia)

I felt a little put out when finding our APANA page was up for deletion. I resolved to do something about it. First I joined Wikimedia, well I have submitted my request for membership. $40 AUD Second I sent a message to one of the deleteers. The reply was instructional and I am now on my way. I will list some dot points and add big chunks if necessary.

1. Join Wikimedia (this is not essential but Jimmy Wales needs the money :-)
2. Create an account for Wikipedia
3. Read Wikipedia:Your first article
4. more